Having an Ostomy Bag is a life changing experience – but it doesn’t have to change you. Yes you need to learn to adjust to a new routine, yes you may need to change certain aspects of your life to keep yourself comfortable, such as eating habits or a change in exercise routine; but it doesn’t need to take over your life. You don’t have to let it!
Some days I wake up struggling to find the positives in the bag, no matter how small. Some days I want to hide under my duvet and cry. Today is not one of those days. I mean, what’s the point? I’ve already endured a horrible illness, I’ve already gone through such traumatic surgery and I’ve already had so much strain on my body. Why put it through more?
Below is a list of some of the funniest advantages of having an Ileostomy Bag! Yes some are a little silly… but they’re true!
- Ironically, you have more control over your bowels. No more running to the toilet every 2 minutes, terrified of publicly embarrassing yourself. Your bag saves you time. (Hopefully a lot of it).
- You can get away with eating a little more junk food and not feeling guilty about it! We deserve that bar of chocolate!
- You don’t have to worry about accidentally blocking the toilet at a friends house. Nope. Never going to happen.
- You save money on loo-roll! (Yeah… that surgery really was worth it for the cut on loo roll).
- Your ass hole will forever be gleamingly clean. You will literally have the perfect ass hole. Even if it doesn’t work.
- You always have an excuse to avoid those awful family gatherings and nobody can say otherwise. “Sorry, would’ve loved too, but my bags not having a good day”.
- In fact, you can practically cancel on anything with that excuse. Duvet days with tubs of ice cream are worth it. Until your bag hates you for all that dairy.
- You gain a friend! Everyone names their bag right? It sort of becomes, a part of you… Like, are you going to ask Nelson what he thinks of your dress too or?
- You could be being hit on by someone at a club or on a romantic date, and going to the toilet at the same time. They’ll never know. What a hilariously sly little devil you are.
