I spent ages attempting to title this post. Trying to make it sound interesting and worth reading but it’s probably not. I’m not sure if it’s just night time that’s doing this to me or the fact that the later it gets the less people there is to talk to, seeing as lately I’m the only one staying up all hours of the night. I hate night time. I dread it the moment I wake up. Just because I know, no matter how hard I try, that I won’t be able to fall asleep. I just can’t. And then the tireder I get, the more frustrated I feel. And then I blame the medication, and then I blame my bag. And suddenly everything is my body’s fault.
I’m going insane from a combination of lack of sleep, constant pain and a bad diet, weighed down with an unavoidable bout loneliness. It doesn’t matter how many people tell me they’re there for me, I can’t shake off the idea that people are just pretending. That people are just taking pity on me. How long until nobody cares again?
I miss sleeping through the night and not having to sleep alone.
I hate the fact I’ve sat in bed for 4 days doing nothing but eating.
I hate feeling this alone.
I’d really actually just like to cry.