I’d Really Actually Just Like To Cry

I spent ages attempting to title this post. Trying to make it sound interesting and worth reading but it’s probably not. I’m not sure if it’s just night time that’s doing this to me or the fact that the later it gets the less people there is to talk to, seeing as lately I’m the only one staying up all hours of the night. I hate night time. I dread it the moment I wake up. Just because I know, no matter how hard I try, that I won’t be able to fall asleep. I just can’t. And then the tireder I get, the more frustrated I feel. And then I blame the medication, and then I blame my bag. And suddenly everything is my body’s fault.

I’m going insane from a combination of lack of sleep, constant pain and a bad diet, weighed down with an unavoidable bout loneliness. It doesn’t matter how many people tell me they’re there for me, I can’t shake off the idea that people are just pretending. That people are just taking pity on me. How long until nobody cares again?

I miss sleeping through the night and not having to sleep alone.

I hate the fact I’ve sat in bed for 4 days doing nothing but eating.

I hate feeling this alone.

I’d really actually just like to cry.

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6 thoughts on “I’d Really Actually Just Like To Cry

  1. holly says:

    You’ve just published put my thoughts ..

    I’m 20 it’s nearly one and I’m in a 4 bed house all in darkness .. and alone… i finished work at four and haven’t left my bed.. no interest in anything

    I’m hoping change is approaching both you and me

    For now, sharing love your way x

    Like

  2. jesshurstnerd says:

    I’m not like you, you’re strong and beautiful- but I know what it’s like feeling lonely and helpless, being surrounded by people and not knowing if a single one actually gives a shit. I’ve been fighting my anxiety for 6 years now and it feels like I’m fighting a battle that will never be won. I’m just saying that if you need someone who’s awake all night too, I’m here and willing to talk to get that bout of happiness you get when there’s someone to talk to 🙂

    Like

  3. Judith says:

    i have been dealing with Crohn’s disease and like you I had the exact same pains and passed out when I awoke I had a bag I’ve had the bag for 14 years some days I hate it and some days I know it saved my life I am 62 and and I wish I would of got the bag sooner I put it off for so many years and my health suffered so bad I had no quality of life couldn’t go anywhere for fear of going in my pants horrible it does get better

    Like

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