Firstly, I must apologise for not posting this weekend. I’m just beginning my sixth week of recovery and I decided it was time to go out properly! I’d finished any medication and was feeling pain free so thought – why not?
Firstly, my plan was to meet my best friend for a couple of hours for a couple of drinks. A couple of hours turned into the night and a couple of drinks turned into 3 bottles of wine and some shots.. I don’t how I was still standing as the night progressed!
It was nice feeling normal again. I wore a nice dress and I didn’t feel as if people were staring at my stomach. Of course, if they didn’t know, they wouldn’t look – but beforehand it had felt like everybody could guess. I felt it was seriously visible.
After drinking the first bottle of wine I think I got a little too brave and decided we should go for an indian. Another bottle of wine consumed before even receiving our meal, I ate like a horse when it finally came! With everything going on, all the laughs, the drinks, the food, I forgot to check my bag. I was actually standing at the bar for a good 20 minutes (getting free drinks from the waiter) with a full bag! Which of course, I found completely hilarious.
We got a lift back to my friends and as we were driving home, spotted somebody we knew outside another pub. My friend dragged me in, and I had to squeeze myself through a crowd of people being careful that my overly ballooned bag didn’t accidentally explode on them!
Throughout my recovery, every time I have needed to use a toilet whilst out, I have used a disabled toilet. I was nervous to use the public toilets, as I wasn’t sure how loud things would be, and there wasn’t enough space for everything if I needed to clean myself up entirely. Without much choice on this end, I braved the public toilets. Nerves ate my stomach as I walked into bathroom full of other girls my age? What if they heard me and laughed? I entered the toilet and prepared myself for public embarrassment, but nothing bad happened. I managed to drain my bag and clean myself up without anybody knowing. I felt normal, just like I’d been to the toilet like everybody else. The whole build up of nerves was totally unnecessary!
The night went on and a couple of comments were made that did hurt me a little bit, but then I think I have to remember that not everybody understands, and they probably didn’t mean to be hurtful.
Nothing was more painful than the following day though! Why, oh why didn’t I prepare myself for this?! I woke up after 4 and a half hour sleep with a pounding headache, and the need to drain my bag. It was literally so full I felt it was dragging me to the floor as I stumbled to the toilet. This wasn’t the most pleasant of things to do at 7am, whilst I’m feeling ridiculously sick and still have a load of alcohol in my system! And of course, pretty sure I was still drunk, managed to make a mess in my friends bathroom. Great. After cleaning myself (and the toilet) up, I crawled back into bed (with a much lighter bag!) and fell asleep until 11.30am. I needed that sleep. Although it didn’t do me much good, as I still woke up wanting to crawl into a hole and sleep for a lifetime!
My friend had made soup for lunch, which I imagined to be a great hangover cure. Sat down with both her and her mum eating, my bag decides to hate on me for drinking so much the night before. It was so angry at me for drowning it with that much toxic! And it was made pretty clear how furious it was by the amount it was screaming at me whilst I was trying to eat. I ended up having to excuse myself from the table, totally ashamed. (And totally amused.)
The afternoon was spent filling and emptying my bag. It was my payback, I deserved it. I know. I was taken home and I managed to shower and get ready to go back to my flat to see my boyfriend. I had a headache and sore eyes for the rest of the night, but it was made a little easier by a huge roast dinner cooked by my boyfriends mum – my bag actually behaved during this one!
All in all, my hangover was totally worth it. I had thrown myself back into a normal situation and really enjoyed myself. I feel like I’m really getting my life back!