What Happened When My Stoma Bag Leaked… In Bed With My Boyfriend!

photoI woke up this morning cuddled up to my boyfriend, with one of my cats rummaging under the duvet covers. Attempting to nestle near my stomach, I frantically tried to push him away, mindful of my ileostomy bag. With this, I felt something damp touch my hand. Warily pulling my hand out the covers, I felt something wet on my skin. With a feeling of dread , I pulled the covers off of me. Just as I had hoped I wouldn’t see. My bag had been slightly pulled from my stomach, causing it too leak during the night. Just what I wanted to wake up to.

A leaking stoma bag is bad enough, but what about when you’re spooning with your partner? It’s not the kind of thing you want to tell them first thing – “sorry babe, I’m worried I’ve pooed on you.”

Of course, being half asleep didn’t help either, I got frustrated and emotional quite quickly, waking my boyfriend up and insisting he leave the room, watching him rush out with the cats, completely bewildered as to what had happened.

As I sat in bed looking down at my stomach, I knew I wouldn’t be able to make it to the bathroom without making a mess. It was in that moment that I knew I needed him. Which was hard. My boyfriend hasn’t seen me like that before, I’d been dealing with leaks myself. So having to be dependent on him with something like that left me feeling embarrassed and upset. Tears fell from my eyes as I called out to him for help.

He bought my some wipes to help clean the mess and cover myself, and told me it was okay. Of course in my eyes it wasn’t okay. Who in their right minds wants to be covered in their own waste, let alone under the watchful eye of their boyfriends!

I was able to run to the shower without further leakage, use my adhesive spray to pull my bag off, and jump in the shower.

Normally, when having a shower, I prepare beforehand. I.e. cutting a fresh bag, placing dry wipes within my reach and setting up a little place for my skin care accessories. With the current situation, this slipped my mind. Again, I had to call for my boyfriend – who was busy stripping the bed sheets – and teach him the art of cutting my ileostomy bag.

Of course, we both got frustrated “no, not like that, turn it at an angle” with him replying “I’m trying my hardest woman”, but we got there in the end. (Well sort of, it wasn’t exactly the circle I’d hoped for!) But he tried. He sorted out my skin care accessories and left me to regain my dignity.

From then on, it was almost as if nothing had happened. Almost as if I had just decided to take a shower earlier than usual.

I’m not sure why, but bag leaks have managed to give me this sense of defeat. I think this is because I have felt I haven’t been in control of the situation. Almost as if it signifies falling two steps back. Having my boyfriend witness me in such a vulnerable state though, and being made to feel like it doesn’t matter, that it’s just something that ‘happens’ has given me a little hope. It has left me feeling as though things like these can’t alter your state of mind.

It’s easy to forget sometimes, no matter how confident you are, and how in control you are of your body, that accidents can happen. And that’s exactly what it was! Just another accident.

16 thoughts on “What Happened When My Stoma Bag Leaked… In Bed With My Boyfriend!

  1. ostomismnotpessimism says:

    Bag leaks always get me like I’ve been defeated too – it reminds me of having no control over my bowel like before my bag and having accidents and I hate it!

    Well done for dealing so well with it lovely. Another well written post! x


    • Mariel says:

      I wish SOMEWHERE on the planet, spouses, or significant others, could speak out on the horrors of living with ostomates.
      My husband has double, permanent ostomies. And, my life with him SUCKS!
      Only, I’m not supposed to have any feelings, needs, or, vomit reaction to all the odors, splats, wet or shitty sheets, etc.
      I am expected to ignore all that, and even, somehow, conjure up sexual desire???
      I wish we had never met and want OUT

      I hate my life….


    • Dave mackay says:

      I was on holiday with my partner in Marrakech as I was entering the supermarket o felt a sudden wet patch in my trousers and found my bag had leaked.Ifelt very embarresed and told her so but told me not to worry and carried on shopping .Got back to the hotel and said she would explain to the ramblers leader why I would be late for dinner.She totally understands my ostomy and we have a good relationship


  2. leighitis says:

    I have not had surgery, however, I can relate to the feelings you get when having to finally admit “defeat” and needing assistance from your other half. Nothing says romance like poo, but nothing says love like a man who will help you clean it up and not complain. ❤
    He sounds like a keeper.


  3. anoushkaloves says:

    I came across your post after my friend had commented on your facebook, which led to me seeing nasty comments made by a girl named Jade.

    I can’t imagine how it feels to have a bag and be in a position like that with your boyfriend. Awareness and understanding from your blog has already opened my eyes so I just wanted to say to keep blogging and make sure as many people get to read this!

    Anoushka x http://www.anoushkaloves.com


  4. Hannah says:

    Omg…i woke my partner up and informed him i’d pooed the bed…he was more concerned about his sleep being interrupted than being covered in my crap…actually quite amusing…not so much at the time!!


  5. Judith says:

    I have had a bag for 15 years and my husband and I have a routine if it leaks I run to the shower he bundles the sheets blankets and pads throw them into the washer and by the time I get out everything is fresh and clean it’s just those little things he does for me that makes us so close that is true love


  6. Dominie says:

    I’m 30 and have had an ileostomy for 2 years, it’s so nice to read your posts as its like looking in the mirror. The ‘leaking in bed’ post made me cry, happens to me maybe twice a week and my partner is a massive help too, the classic when our 3 year old said “mummy your not meant to poo in the bed!!” Thank you for doing this blog!


  7. Tommie says:

    I am so very proud of you for handling things so well with your stoma and bag. I had a urostomy twenty five years ago due to cancer. I was lucky to survive that and in the last 3 years have had a lot of problems and terrible pain in my lower colon. Thanks to My doctor, I now have a colostomy (I’m a 2 bagger now since Dec 2014) and am back to normal activities now. We all have some sort of problem and I believe in making the most of it. It has taken a lot getting use to the poop bag but don’t find any much different that the urostomy. I admire you your age in dealing with this, you have a lot of living to do yet. I think you can handle anything. Hope you continue to do well.


  8. wenwoo74 says:

    Yep, I dread this too Hattie I think like your partner mine would be fine with it.
    It is a common theme where our partners, Husbands, wife’s, boyfriends, girlfriends etc
    are fine with all that comes with people like ourselves (those with an Ostomy of any kind).
    However we the Ostomate are the ones with the worries and dread, again another common theme.
    If only we could just have that “I don’t care attitude” hey?
    I have also thought of sleeping in the spare room in my own bed, to avoid these types of uncomfortable situations, but my other half wouldn’t be up for that.
    Unfortunately we will be continuing to struggle through our worries and dread 😦


  9. angela leister says:

    The leaks and bag troubles ate the worst for me too! I’m new at all this and it horrifying to be sitting on the couch with my husband and realize everything is soaked. It’s mortifying in Walmart when in line top pay I start feeling warm drops on my leg and sandals! Public leaks will throw me into an anxiety attack every time! So I feel your pain. I cry everyday at least once. Sending love and prayers to you


    • Tomi Miller says:

      Angela, don’t worry so much, accidents always happen but there are ways to prevent them. I am a double bagger (colostomy, and urostomy) just got the colostomy 1 year ago and it has taken all this time to figure out how to handle things. I change my bag every 3 days and this has worked well. Also, I empty long before my bag gets full as I have found that the fuller it gets, the more pull on the wafer. Sometimes, if I am going out, I put tape around my wafer for extra support. Please don’t get disgusted learning just takes time. If I can help you please let me know.


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