Things have been pretty difficult for me the past few months, emotionally, physically and mentally. Not just because of my surgery and not just because of the changes my body has gone through, but things far deeper that have been there for a while, I just failed to acknowledge them – or refused to. Sometimes, the easiest thing is not to talk about it. I spend my life blogging away and talking about my ileostomy, wanting to raise awareness and wanting other teens to embrace their own bodies. But I also do it for me. I do it to help myself recover. Writing about my surgery has been my therapy. It has been a way for me to acknowledge and accept what has happened. It’s not the same when the problem isn’t just affecting you. You can’t speak for another person. You can’t control what they think and do. You can’t change them and at the same time you can only make decisions for yourself.
This week it had gotten too much for me. So I’ve come away on my own for a few days, to reflect, and to breathe. Everyone needs to breathe once in a while. Sometimes it’s too hard to when you’re around another person trying to breathe at the same time. It’s almost as if you’re struggling for oxygen without even realising it’s happening.
I’m using this time to write, to plan and to attempt a few things from my bucket list. I think it’s important for me to stay busy and focused. I love this blog and I love the people reading it and I want to carry on writing for that reason.
– Although the place I’m at currently doesn’t have wifi so I am using my personal hotspot! I am SO not looking forward to my phone bill at the end of the month – help me please!
P.S – To those new reading today, or have been reading since the very start, thank you. Thank you for taking the time to read my moans and groans and babbles and spur of the moment posts. Thank you for supporting me. xxxx
P.P.S – I’m writing this on 2 hours sleep. Please forgive me if it makes no sense.