Going Topless! – Having Sex When You Have A Stoma

When I first had my stoma put in, I was given a variety of different links to different support groups and various charities I could get in touch with should I feel I need to. At the start of my surgery, I was pretty scared as to how my life would change, and so looked further into joining some of these groups, to meet others in the same situation as me. I’ve been a member of various groups for 2 and a half months now. These groups are open to anybody in need of support or just somebody to vent to. You’re able to post freely about whatever you like.

I have seen many posts regarding sex. Asking things like “what do you wear during sex?” and “what can I do about my bag in the bedroom?”. It seems many people buy different outfits to wear to support their bag, whilst others invest in things like crotchless underwear. These are great ideas, not just for hiding your bag or for support, but for feeling sexy. Which a lot of people can find hard to feel when you have a stoma.

But what about when you don’t want to wear… anything? I mean there’s nothing more intimate than skin-to-skin contact, is there? Is it wrong to want to feel beautiful when wearing just your skin? Is it wrong to feel beautiful in your own skin? Whatever the differences?

I don’t think so. Which is why I have been looking for different ways to feel comfortable during sex. One of those being topless.

Photo on 02-04-2015 at 15.36There are such things as mini-ostomy bags. These bags fit the same as other bags, but are a quarter of the size. There is also a velcro fastening to fold the bag in half if you prefer! This means you can be comfortable in any sexual position – even on top! With the bag being so small, there’s less weight to your stomach, and the “dragging” feeling eases.

There’s also a skin coloured stoma cap you can buy which is so small and barely noticeable. I haven’t tried it myself as I have an ileostomy but apparently it is fantastic for someone with a colostomy! Stoma-Cap-back-filter

A support band is another idea. A band that just sits over your bag and tucks it in. You can get these in lace, if you fancy something a little more flattering.

10982699_918516614872142_4787843721648344028_nGoing topless for the first time after surgery is very daunting, and I was very nervous. I waited until all of the lights were off to take my clothes off. I’d spoken about it with my boyfriend before but I’d always said I felt more at ease with a top on. Both for confidence and comfort reasons. But this time was different. I was wearing a smaller bag and felt comfortable. So the only fear left to face was regarding my confidence.

It put me at great ease to hear my boyfriend say “oh wow, you haven’t got a top on!” in such a proud manor. Nothing else was said. Everything else felt normal. There was no awkwardness, no fear and no shame. A sigh of relief rushed through my body and I felt I’d climbed a further 2 steps up the ladder.

I can’t say I found going topless easy… it was scary. You’re left wondering what your partner may say, or choose not to say… no matter how much they love you. But once you’ve done it the first time, it becomes easier the next. You never know until you try!

If you are interested in a smaller ostomy bag, 
please visit www.securicaremedical.co.uk 
where you will be able to speak to an adviser about 
getting some samples sent out to you.
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2 thoughts on “Going Topless! – Having Sex When You Have A Stoma

  1. Derek S says:

    Thanks for covering this (no pun intended). It’s the one hurdle in my mind that I’ve yet to get over. Currently single, but getting more comfortable with my Ostomy as the days go by.

    Like

  2. barnardwright says:

    Hey! I just discovered your blog from Twitter. I’m finding it wonderful to read, it’s so interesting, educating and empowering! It’s heart warming to see you speaking so passionately and confidently and I hope you continue to spread a positive message. Your hair is gorgeous too!

    Anna x

    Like

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