What It’s Like To Have My Boyfriend Clean Me Up Every Day

If you read my previous blog post about having a bad week, you’ll know that recently I’ve been having some issues with my ostomy. So much so that it has been hard to rely on just myself to sort it out. Since I’ve been having trouble sizing it, alongside output problems, it has become a little more unreliable than before. Meaning that when I’m cleaning around the area, I never know when it’s going to be safe to leave it bare to place my ileostomy bag on. At the beginning of the week, it was a case of my boyfriend forcing his way into the bathroom because he could hear how upset I was getting. He would help no matter how frustrated and embarrassed I got. I mean… nobody wants their partners to have to help them clean you up, do they?! Now, it’s become the norm for him to come in with me when I go to change it every evening. He sets up all of the equipment, wets the towels, and helps sort me out.

He’s been great and made me feel a little more at ease with all the negativity that’s been sinking in these past weeks. And it’s nice having him there. It’s weird of course, I’m so used to doing it all myself. I do also feel very upset with the situation.. because it feels like I’ve lost control over the one thing I had control over. I mean, I have no control over my digestive system anymore. I can’t determine when something’s going to happen. Accepting help for the one part you’re meant to be okay with is the hardest part of all. Changing the bag was one thing that was down to me, my decision. And to have to rely on someone else for something so personal, feels a little undignified. I was worried he’d be put off me after seeing what he had.

I’m lucky to have somebody there to help me. And I do appreciate everything that he does. But I just wish he didn’t have to do that, and didn’t have to see me in such a way. But, that’s life. And I guess to get through these sorts of situations you have to feel uncomfortable to get comfortable.

I have had an order of uncut bags from SecuriCare which have already begun putting my skin at ease, so I’m hoping over the next few weeks I’m able to gain more control over my body and become a little more independent. I’m looking forward to being able to use the bathroom by myself for a change! I know I’m not a burden or anything but I can’t help feeling like one sometimes. I just hate to rely on people. Especially for something that should be so easy.

I hope I haven’t put off anyone who may be needing or is questioning having stoma. There has been a lot to thank it for over the past four months. But I do feel the need to write when I’m having a bad time. It’s quite therapeutic but I feel may also give people in my position something to relate to. It’s nice to have something to relate to, I think.


6 thoughts on “What It’s Like To Have My Boyfriend Clean Me Up Every Day

  1. patsygazaleh says:

    A wonderful ostomy nurse taught me another use for tampons.

    If I get everything ready before taking my used device off, I put the tampon in the hole. You put 1 finger to hold the tampon in while, cleaning and prepping the skin. I use a mirror to help with the placement of the device. Be ready to put the device on the stoma as you remove the tampon. It feels weird and may be difficult getting everything done with out messing things up the first couple of times, but you figure out what works quickly. And it does get easier.

    Also there are wipes you can use to clean the skin around your stoma. They are Safe n Simple peri-stoma wipes that are great at cleaning around your stoma with no residue left on your skin. I use barrier wipes on the skin to prep the area, but sprinkle some stoma powder on your damp skin. Use the barrier wipes to dab on the powdered skin. This helps protect your skin, if the area is red and raw.

    I felt lost, angry, selfish, and “poor poor pitiful me”, sometimes yelling and crying at the same time, over the last year. Everyone who means anything to you will help you and love you until you come to on the other side.

    Keep strong.



  2. BRIAN MILBURN says:

    If it helps the best time to change it is on a morning before u have eaten,it should be quiet then,to change it later in day is always difficult and messy,do u always have to change every day,i only change once each week,if your using stomahesive your skin should heal quicker,also put some micropore over the edges of ur dressing to make it more secure and if u have not got a belt that’s is a great help in making dressing more secure,put a little barrier cream,i use sudacrem around base of stoma and role a small ciggarete of cotton wool and place it on top of cream and gently firm down,put stomahesive wafer on top and it creates a seal.i know u may do this alreay ,im just trying to help.good luck.BRIAN


  3. tamsin says:

    I totally get the feeling of “oh fuck, my blokes seeing my like this !!!” Thankfully hes a nice guy like yours, and when I’m having a “poo-nami” in the bathroom,he hears me crying and getting really angry with myself , he charges in and shouts “KRAKATOA!!!!” makes me giggle everytime , he smiles at me and helps me clean myself up, he waves away my “oh shit I’m sooo sorry”s and “you think I’m horrid”s and tells me to basically shut it ! ❤ 😊


  4. Jo says:

    I agree with the comment above, I tend to do mine in the morning and you will get quicker with experience. I’ve had mine for nearly 15 years now. If you suffer from sore skin around your stoma try using a two piece system, it’s much easier to deal with the base plate (which can stay on for a few days at a time and just change the bag each day, or after a shower or after a swim etc). I find it much more convenient. If your boyfriend is not put off then he’s definitely a keeper.


  5. Romina Gálvez says:

    Hi, Hattie. I’m sorry to hear you had some issues lately. I would recommend you to change your bag in the morning, right after you wake up and before eating anything, plus, having a light dinner avoiding acidic food helps a lot. That’s what I do and I hardly ever get output while changing my bag, nor burned skin caused by the output.
    Just to protect the skin around the stoma I use Welland hydrocolloid rings which are a wonderful barrier and also help to heal the damaged skin.
    I hope it helps and that you get better as soon as possible!


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