I’m Getting Nervous About Having To Make A Huge Decision…

On Friday I’m off to see my surgeon to talk about reversal surgery. I think Friday is the day where I’ll be needing to give him a decision as to what I want to do, seeing as my last appointment ended up with me walking away completley clueless as to what I want to do. I have a pretty good idea as to how I want it to go, but don’t want to write my hopes out just yet, just in case the appointment goes in the other direction. But I’m hoping for the best.. because to be honest I am quite bored of things going wrong now! (Really hoping I haven’t jinxed it!)

There’s still a lot of pros and cons to weigh out in my head, but hopefully the surgeon can give me a better idea… Google tends to make things seem a little bit more dramatic.

I need to remember though that all round, my health is what is most important. And I’m slightly worried I haven’t been putting my health first since my operation. There’s been a lot of stress and anxiety and there’s been times when I’ve thought “f*** it! I just need to have a good time!” and ignored the healthier option. I’ve also gained a couple of stone since my surgery, and I’m hoping that’s a good thing, and not an excessive problem. But only time can tell and I’ll let you all know how I get on on Friday. I just don’t want to speak to soon is all, for my mind to change – or for it to be changed for me.

Anyway, yesterday was my 20th birthday and it was such a great day. Thank you to everyone who wrote to wish me a happy birthday! I went out for dinner with my family, partner and family friends, before meeting some friends for drinks. I received such a wonderful present from my parents – tickets to the west end to see the new burlesque musical ‘Gypsy’ (i’m a little bit of a musical fanatic). And my boyfriend bought me a coffee machine, AND I AM SO EXCITED TO USE IT EVERY DAY AND PRETEND I AM A COOL SOPHISTICATED DRINKING MY POSH COFFEE WITH MY 2 CATS. (I can’t use it properly yet but it is a very adult present I must admit).

I loved this picture of me, my mumma and my lovely boyfriend Angelo!

I was really grateful to everyone who made an effort to make my day a special one yesterday, it was so lovely to be surrounded by people who mean the most to me. Even if I was sat there hating the fact I’ve entered into another decade. I actually cried 10 minutes before midnight too, telling Angelo “I DON’T WANT TO BE AN ADULT, I’M NOT READY!!!!”

11063720_1024868657570270_1529077837972177086_nThis is my wonderful little sister by the way, isn’t she gorgeous?!

But… I don’t think there ever is a ready point, is there? I’m becoming more and more certain that I’m always going to laugh at things I found funny at the age of 5…..

I think the biggest testament of adulthood is overcoming fears… such as heights…. which is why I’m going to be abseiling off of the tallest sculpture in London, in August, not only to scare myself silly but to raise money alongside my wonderful sponsors SecuriCare Medical & CliniMed for Bowel Cancer UK (please sponsor me!!!!).

Here is the sponsor link! https://www.justgiving.com/CliniMed-SecuriCare/

which is why I’m going to be abseiling off of the tallest sculpture in London, in August, not only to scare myself silly but to raise money alongside my wonderful sponsors SecuriCare Medical & CliniMed for Bowel Cancer UK (please sponsor me!!!!).

Here is the sponsor link! https://www.justgiving.com/CliniMed-SecuriCare/

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5 thoughts on “I’m Getting Nervous About Having To Make A Huge Decision…

  1. James C says:

    As someone who’s had reversal surgery i can tell you it’s not without its drawbacks (having to get used to going to the toilet “normally again” and having your bowel moments in excess of 6-8 times a day. You would probably also need to start taking Loperamide and possibly codeine phosphate to slow your bowel movements (taken this since 2003 when i had my reversal and absolutely no side effects, discuss this with your surgeon btw) BUT you are rid of the stoma, body image improves, not having to worry about your bag or knocking or hurting your stoma etc. Whatever you choose i hope you make the right decision for YOU. Living with a stoma for some is an easier option after all!

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  2. Ben says:

    Happy to chat through with you my reversal experience if that’s what you decide to do. I haven’t looked back since and so eased I did it. Was a little “messy” at the time, but wonderful now! Good luck xx

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  3. Carlo says:

    Happy birthday for yesterday Hattie. My best wishes for you while you are deliberating over a life changing decision. Remember your stoma isn’t defining you. And, from a 59 year old man, a thought passed to me by a 99 year old woman, you stay the same inside, it’s just the outside that grows up.

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  4. Jo says:

    Good luck with your decision Hattie. Be grateful that the health system over there allows you to be seen so quickly. I was referred to discuss a reversal with a surgeon in February and i still haven’t even received an appointment. When i rang the hospital to find out how much longer it’ll take i was told up to another 16 months. Just to discuss a reversal. I live in Ireland. Really hope the process is easier for you there.

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